Ah Ha (and Oh No)

Only when we get over ourselves can we truly begin to love ourselves.  And it makes it easier for others to love us too.  If that’s your thing.

Couch to . . . Your heart’s desire

Big fan of the “Couch to Fit,” or “Couch to World Class Chef” type apps (I think I made the second one up. Kathy?). Basic premise?  Start from no experience, and through gradual and incremental steps, goals suddenly become conceivable and achievable. A reminder that with any goal, we can’t realistically reach it all at once.

Bleach Alternative

Think of your pain, hurt, sorrow, and any other negative feelings as a small amount of bleach. Bleach alone is very powerful. I should know. It ate a hole through my favorite shirt.

Anyway, if I was more adept at laundry I would know that bleach’s power can be weakened with the proper amount of water. Add enough water and the solution dilutes so much so that only traces of bleach may be found.

You may ask what the heck am I talking about. Well, each time your negative feelings surface, if you sit with them, explore them, and even talk about them, it is like adding water to the bleach of negative feelings. At times it may only be a drop or two, other times more. But each time you confront your feelings instead of run, those feelings lose their strength. As time goes by, whatever triggers you may experience will begin to be followed by lesser and lesser amounts of pain, sorrow, etc, until only trace amounts remain, if any at all.

Head Scratcher

Suppose instead of running and hiding from our negative feelings we allowed ourselves to feel them. Suppose instead of masking them or distracting ourselves from them we actually sat with them. Would we find them to be so bad?  Would we survive them?  Would they be our undoing?  Or rather, would they be the key to unlocking valuable insight into who we truly are?

Hmmmm. Now that’s a head scratcher.

Selfish?

I think the word “selfish” gets a bad rap. Looking out for yourself should be considered a good thing, no? Ok, so the whole, “to the exclusion of others” part is hard to reconcile, but take that out and you’ve got a great recipe for honoring your needs and making you and your interests a top priority in your life. And hell, if you’re not going to prioritize yourself, who will?

Inhale . . . Exhale

Took a mental health holiday.  You should too.  Just not too long, and not from reading my blog.

 

Isness

The beauty of “isness” if you can accept its nature is that it frees us from illusions of good, bad, and otherwise that are often tied to our propensity for judgment. With isness, there is no need for judgment. Just acceptance and surrender.

And yes, I’m pretty sure I made up the word isness.

 

It Is What It Is

Try to employ the phrase “it is what it is” more in your daily life.  Too often our judgements of people, things, and/or situations lead to sadness, fear, worry, jealousy, shame, guilt, or regret.  For better or for worse, sometimes things just simply “are”.

No, Part 2

Imagine yourself standing in the middle of a room, face to face with someone, anyone. You may know them well, or not at all. Imagine now taking one step back. As you do this, the other takes a step forward. You take another back, and another, while he/she continues to press forward. You look at this person with dismay, concern, maybe even fear. Yet, as you continue to step back, he/she continues to move forward until you find yourself out of space. You feel cramped, closed in, possibly violated, and compelled to lash out, as you are now literally backed into a corner. 

How dare that person violate your personal space?  The nerve!  But wait. Did you at any point communicate that violation?  Did you demand your personal space be respected?  Or did you simply hope that as you said nothing and quietly backed up, he/she would get the message to stay put.

Boundaries. Rarely communicated clearly and concisely, and too often with a flexibility that suggests we may not mean what we say. Each metaphorical and uncomfortable step back is a signal to another that, when it comes to you, he/she may be able to get away with more. Another regrettable “loan”. Another icky “favor”.  Another compromising position you internally despise. Until we are standing with our backs against the wall ready to scream, “Why aren’t you respecting my boundaries?”.  Well, there’s a good chance he/she really didn’t know what those boundaries were.

Why?  Because we don’t want to say “no”. Don’t want to hurt their feelings. We know what “no” feels like. We don’t like it and don’t want to do that to someone else. Right?

Get comfortable saying no. You’ll thank me later.

Oh, I almost forgot. Get comfortable hearing no. The world will thank you later.

Raw Magic

Allowing yourself to be vulnerable can be a very scary endeavor. Feeling bare, raw, exposed . . . if you find yourself there alone, it can be gut wrenchingly painful. But if you happen to be lucky enough to share that space with someone else, that’s when true magic happens.