I think the word “selfish” gets a bad rap. Looking out for yourself should be considered a good thing, no? Ok, so the whole, “to the exclusion of others” part is hard to reconcile, but take that out and you’ve got a great recipe for honoring your needs and making you and your interests a top priority in your life. And hell, if you’re not going to prioritize yourself, who will?
Took a mental health holiday. You should too. Just not too long, and not from reading my blog.
The beauty of “isness” if you can accept its nature is that it frees us from illusions of good, bad, and otherwise that are often tied to our propensity for judgment. With isness, there is no need for judgment. Just acceptance and surrender.
And yes, I’m pretty sure I made up the word isness.
Try to employ the phrase “it is what it is” more in your daily life. Too often our judgements of people, things, and/or situations lead to sadness, fear, worry, jealousy, shame, guilt, or regret. For better or for worse, sometimes things just simply “are”.
Imagine yourself standing in the middle of a room, face to face with someone, anyone. You may know them well, or not at all. Imagine now taking one step back. As you do this, the other takes a step forward. You take another back, and another, while he/she continues to press forward. You look at this person with dismay, concern, maybe even fear. Yet, as you continue to step back, he/she continues to move forward until you find yourself out of space. You feel cramped, closed in, possibly violated, and compelled to lash out, as you are now literally backed into a corner.
How dare that person violate your personal space? The nerve! But wait. Did you at any point communicate that violation? Did you demand your personal space be respected? Or did you simply hope that as you said nothing and quietly backed up, he/she would get the message to stay put.
Boundaries. Rarely communicated clearly and concisely, and too often with a flexibility that suggests we may not mean what we say. Each metaphorical and uncomfortable step back is a signal to another that, when it comes to you, he/she may be able to get away with more. Another regrettable “loan”. Another icky “favor”. Another compromising position you internally despise. Until we are standing with our backs against the wall ready to scream, “Why aren’t you respecting my boundaries?”. Well, there’s a good chance he/she really didn’t know what those boundaries were.
Why? Because we don’t want to say “no”. Don’t want to hurt their feelings. We know what “no” feels like. We don’t like it and don’t want to do that to someone else. Right?
Get comfortable saying no. You’ll thank me later.
Oh, I almost forgot. Get comfortable hearing no. The world will thank you later.
Allowing yourself to be vulnerable can be a very scary endeavor. Feeling bare, raw, exposed . . . if you find yourself there alone, it can be gut wrenchingly painful. But if you happen to be lucky enough to share that space with someone else, that’s when true magic happens.
At minimum, you still dictate your reactions to things.
Remember that when you are feeling powerless to circumstances beyond your control.
Get comfortable saying “no”. You’ll thank me later.
Oh, I almost forgot. Get comfortable hearing “no”. The world will thank you later.